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what does a day look like?

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unsplash - david marcu
i really feel like I’m failing her.

it sounds ridiculous, when i say it out loud or put it in words. but that’s what it feels like.

when everyone else seems like they’re catching on, i feel like we are at the back of the pack.

we don’t do breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. we don’t do yoga or swimming classes. Our bedtime routine is non existent. flash cards? what flash cards? I haven’t made mom friends in the neighbourhood. hell, i don’t even know baby first aid.

i feel like i’m a bad mother.

this thing doesn’t really come naturally. and today, the media – both traditional and social – has a way of forcing us to turn a lens on our lives, of drawing comparisons between ourselves and the current “ideal” of parenthood. i still have to come to terms with the fact that this is a forever thing (you mean i’m *not* just babysitting?). how can i expect to feel “good enough” when there are so many women who seem like they have got it all together – they can juggle children and husbands and home businesses and still have time for coffee, exercise, eating right, taking daily photos, and looking good.

rationally, i think i know, or at least realize, this group of women is the minority. there are millions of moms like me who let their babes spend the day in pyjamas, because the effort to change them into something clean is too tiresome. but i can’t help but feel if maybe i were a little more like them, if i woke up at the same time every day or took a little more pride in my appearance… even if i were more creative and forced myself to find the time to do more for me… i would be a better mother, a better partner, a better role model. my expectations are insumountable.

they say, “you’re doing a great job.” she’s surviving, she’s thriving, and she is more than loved, she’s adored. but i still feel i’m falling short. “good enough” has never seemed so far away…

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  • Tricia P

    Hey I think a lot of new mothers feel exactly like you do whether they look like they have it together or not. It’s hard and I’m sure it’s even harder these days when as you say you feel like with social media it can make you feel like you have to strive to keep up with various parenting ideals. Don’t … just do what feels right for the three of you.

    As for the baby first aid and CPR – I can teach you that if you’d like. Remember I’m a nurse. If you ever have any questions I can try to help. I didn’t work in peds but there were enough infants and young ones coming into the ER that I think I can answer some questions if you come up with some. 🙂

    October 19, 2014 at 12:29 am Reply
  • ellen

    when ” good enough” becomes something we don’t feel we have to aspire to, then we should worry more about what we are not doing.
    i don’t think i have ever met a mom who has ever felt she can do enough for her child… not saying this just to placate, but to let you know if moms out there are truly honest.. as you have been just now, you would see a lot more moms telling you how tired they are.

    reaching out is tough to do tho, i understand.. because society demands we be ” strong, self sufficient, leaders” for our children. but then… do our children look at us as heros, or people? people who get tired and hungry… its okay to feel those things , if mommy is healthy baby will flourish.

    we make mistakes, we forget things, that is what a mommy does, because when we do… we teach ourselves and our children its okay to make a mess because then we know how to clean it up well:)

    caring for a child is tiring…. it is the most selfless thing a person can do, and i would think the hardest job in the world to be a parent.
    my mom said to me ” just you wait til you have children” I did not really understand what she meant… but her tone conveyed a feeling to me…….. that i might want to wait lol do i really want to know?

    the best thing about being a parent, and being a mom is knowing that… you made this being.. this tiny being who is going to change the world one day… IS changing the world now.. all around him/her.. YOUR world, the world will never be the same without that teeny being.

    and there is no love like that child has for mom…. I have experienced it… and see it with Dylan and you… it makes me proud to know you because no matter what you ” don’t know yet, or do at the moment” for your child….. there is soooooo much you do, do. comparing to other moms may only make you feel like less if you can’t see how much you are doing for her now.. love can not be measured.. but if you could, her cup would be overflowing for you. xo

    October 19, 2014 at 2:14 pm Reply

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