something struck me today, as i was helping dylan walk backwards up the stairs in our dark hallway (she turned off the lights) with two heavy bags of laundry thrown over one shoulder and my hands full of hers, a doggie, and elmo – there is no standard picture of motherhood.
holy, gee whiz and what?
i am a mom. mother. madre. mere. i am all of those things. i am raising a child and, you know what, for all those moments when i feel like tearing my hair out or crying or screaming in a fit of rage because i feel like i’m just not getting this damn thing right, i actually have to admit i’m not doing that bad a job.
maybe sometimes a little validation would be nice, some gratification, a pat on the back. “you’re making do, getting by, surviving and thriving. kudos, kid. we appreciate it.”
would be nice.
i also realize i don’t need it. don’t need someone else to tell me i’m doing a good job. don’t actually need anyone commenting on the kind of job i’m doing *period* because it ain’t perfect but so far it’s what’s been working for me.
more days than not my hair is a disaster, the kitchen is the same, i’m in sweat pants and i’m struggling to catch up to deadlines on deadlines but dylan is happy, she’s healthy, she’s growing and learning and she fucking loves me, guys. you can tell, because she screams my name at the top of her little lungs from the other room over and over again until i come in to see what she needs and it’s just to say hi and smile. that’s love. that’s love right there.
really, all (okay, lets be honest, most…) moms are doing what we can to make it through the day. we all change diapers and chase kids who won’t eat and read stories and pick up crayons and clean dirty hand prints off of everything. (let it be known the same can be said of dads, but not all dads…) why are we trying so hard to bring each other down, to live up to unrealistic expectations we strive to put forward for one another? it’s so easy to bully today, what with social media and all. we should be more supportive of each other. for christ’s sake, we’re raising a generation here, people. we’re more than contributing to society, we’re creating it. lets stop hating about how clean our kitchen counters are and start sharing ideas on how to get picky toddlers to eat food instead of throwing it on the ground.
i’m not better or worse. i just am. i’m me. a lesson i learned once from my dad, and still rings true today.
so, truce? deal? friends? #nofilter