i just had a realization. it was like a flash of light.
i’m about to have a baby.
this whole time i’ve been talking about how i’m *so* ready for this pregnancy to be over and complaining about how long these last nine months have been (what seem like the longest of my life) … and i literally just realized what the end result of this is.
change. i have no idea what’s about to happen. no clue. no wonder i’m prone to bouts of unexplained anxiety… nothing will ever. be the same. again.
everyone talks about how much your life is going to change. i fully believe that i’m completely underestimating how much it will change, even though i also fully believe you don’t have to lose yourself in parenting – in fact, i think you still have to work at being an individual outside of being a parent, and that by doing so, in the long run, you’re only helping your kids.
but i’m never going to be not a mom again. we’re about to finish a chapter and i can’t do anything about it. it’s not so much that i’m afraid of parenting, of being a mother… this whole experience has been weird and crazy and exciting and i’m looking forward to the next bit… it’s just that whole “this is it” epiphany.
just had some sad news that took me out of my former frame of mind. my friend’s dog passed today… well, her mother’s dog. what a sad valentine. she wasn’t very old, not 10 i don’t think… i went with her and her dad to pick her out – she was so small and cute… we let her walk into the house on her own to surprise her mom. it was cute. she grew from this tiny little thing to a complete hellion, the kind of dog people write blog posts about.