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reality sets in


before today, there was a part of me that knew, intellectually, that at some point during this process we would experience labour… because, obviously, that’s clearly the end result of all this.

however, i’ve mentioned before, there’s a bit of a blank for me between being pregnant and being at home with a new born. i’ve done a pretty good job totally avoiding anything to do with labouring and birthing so as not to freak myself out.

i can no longer play the ostrich and hide my head in the sand.

the boy and i sat through our first prenatal class today and the prenatal class won. there were a few moments where i thought i might have to find and then employ the use of a paper bag.

it’s not so much that i’m concerned about the pain – nine months of squirming and kicking and rib pushing and twisting and organ rearranging doesn’t prepare you for what’s to come but i think it does something to the psyche. i’m more worried about my emotional state. and not losing privileges because my aggressive and racing hormones have gotten the better of my temperament. if i’m suffering, someone else needs to be suffering with me. it’s only fair.

the past two hours have also served to sort of bring this thing into reality. this baby train – and it’s a real baby, not a squirmy alien that was just looking for a good place to nap – is on the tracks and there ain’t nothing we can do to stop it.

holy shit, this is happening.

i think i need that paper bag now.



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