confession time: for most of my life i have been a serial dieter. yes, i have been beholden to magazine culture, spending countless minutes and hours staring at my “figure” and wishing this were smaller and that were thinner. just like most women in the western world.
what a horrible standard we hold ourselves to. i know that, in my head i know it’s not healthy to obsess over weight and body image, but years of “practice” mean it will take a lot to change those negative thoughts that pop into my head when i walk past a (any) mirror.
it sucks, not being confidant. and it’s really not something i want to pass on to dylan, so i watch my words, i try not to spend too much time looking at my reflection, and not to be too critical of myself or others, especially when she’s in ear shot. it’s been tough, ‘cuz as i mentioned above, this is ingrained behavior. she doesn’t need to learn to be uncomfortable with her body because i’m uncomfortable with mine.
after we had dylan, my weight dropped dramatically. so much so that we were all concerned and my doctor kept a close eye. i was worried but also not – i was the smallest i’d ever been, without working out or changing my eating habits. i considered getting myself in check, less donuts and burgers, more salads and smoothies. i didn’t, but that’s okay. i’ve been able to hover around 140, which is comfortable, though my jeans are starting to get a little tight around the middle again.
outside of worrying about not having to buy an entire new wardrobe, i worry about being healthy, because i am not. i’m tired all.the.time, and i’m pretty sure the cause is more than just being the mom of a toddler who doesn’t sleep. i would like to be able to chase her around the mall or the park or wherever i have to chase her without needing a break.
i don’t really want to be one of those people who spends time in the gym though, i’ve never been good at that. to be frank, i hate the gym. i hate how it smells, and i hate working out. i know it’s a means to an end but i’m self defeating. the logical step here would be to clean up my act in the kitchen, which i’ve been working towards (though you don’t see too much of that lately. it’s so much easier to order in, especially in this weather and when i’m feeling tired and loggy.)
while i try to be as good as possible about what we eat, we’re definitely guilty of cheating a little too often (i keep telling him not to bring treats… if you bring treats i will eat them all). i’ve been seriously considering attempting a “detox” for awhile now, though a lot of the ones i’ve come across seem really labour intensive and i haven’t wanted to put my body through any more stress than i already do. but i was totally intrigued by skinny fox detox, a brand i’ve run across on instagram, and i decided, why the heck not? according to my sources, it tastes pretty great.
my 28-day program arrived just before the weekend and i started on saturday, a special tea first thing in the morning every day for 28 days, and another tea every other evening for 14. (starting weight was 140.2lbs.)
though i was expecting a little more (i’m always expecting more from tea) the smell and taste is mild. i was concerned it would be off-putting and the whole thing would be a waste, but they’re actually pretty satisfying. they recommend you clean up your act and abstain from things like alcohol and crap food, which i’ve tried to do, though i admit to a handful of chips and some chocolate.
i also don’t say no to pancakes. weekday breakfasts are usually pretty healthy and boring, most often consisting of scrambled eggs or instant oatmeal. saturdays are reserved for pancakes, and we love them. dylan eats at least two, and i feel great because sometimes she doesn’t eat anything else. at least she’s eating, right?
i’ve tried many a pancake recipe, but my favourite is from that bastion of kitchen perfection, martha stewart. i also love how i manage a perfectly ombre array of pancakes from start to finish. you can blame my eagerness for pancakes, because i’m not willing to wait for the pan to get to the perfect temperature before i start.
1 cup all purpose flour
2 tbsp sugar (original recipe calls for white but i use brown)
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup milk (i subbed in almond milk once and it was great)
2 tbsp melted butter or vegetable oil
1 large egg
1 tbsp vegetable oil (for the pan)
whisk together your dry ingredients and set aside.
in a separate bowl, whisk together milk, butter, and egg. add this mixture to the dry, and stir until moist, being careful not to over mix.
cook on medium skillet or griddle, until tops bubble.
for something that feels a little bit healthier, try subbing in a mushy banana and cutting the milk to 1/2 cup.