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technically, motherhood is self employment

welcome-to-our-office-im-with-dylan

welcome-to-our-office-im-with-dylan

i just realized something. i’ve been fighting a losing battle.

let’s rewind to when i found out i was pregnant and was considering the implications. despite the admonitions, i never really believed my life was going to change that drastically. yes, i would now be almost solely responsible for the health and safety of a little person, however, i failed to see how my life as i knew it was about to make a 180. i never signed up for a monthly delivery of high waisted jeans and bad hair cuts, and i wasn’t going to automatically start listening to 80s tunes and drinking wine spritzers (i do that anyway).

basically, i rebelled against the idea that this motherhood thing was going to make me a different person. it’s been over 8 months and despite the obvious ups and downs we all go through, i’m still rebelling. i’ve been having an impossible time coming to terms with all of this and maintaining minuscule parts from that life i was just living. case in point, i may only have kept a few clients from my business as a content creator / consultant, but hindsight tells me i should have put more thought into that, because i really underestimated how much time i would be able to dedicate to other people’s projects.

in all my years working for a pay cheque, even when i facilitated a transfer of department heads, i’ve never been this busy –  raise baby, clean house, take care of partner, make time for pets, make time for friends, squeeze in some time to make time for yourself and pursuits outside of mommy-dom. this is not always satisfying or fulfilling. in fact, most often it feels completely thankless. how many times a day do i have to clean the goddamn kitchen, already? it’s physically and emotionally overwhelming, and a hell of a lot to take in. let’s not forget the societal expectation (however unspoken) that we do it all with a great big fat smile.

the good news is – and this is something all new moms should hang their proverbial hats on – it surely gets better. i’m still making my way through the trenches but everyday they sleep a little deeper, learn to entertain themselves a little longer, need to cling a little less. schedules are eked out, partners discover and accept their own new roles, and your family starts to take shape in a way it wouldn’t if you micromanaged it. barring the occasional meltdown (which, as the sleep deprived, hormonal, wonderful, awesome women we are we’re totally allowed to have), we settle in. hello light, we see you there at the end of the tunnel.

i’ve never been able to choose a path. thousands of things are interesting but nothing was ever interesting enough that i could see myself doing it for the rest of my life. until now. people ask the boy if (or when) i’m ready to go back to work. i used to be freelance, so truth be told i could go back whenever i want to but he quite honestly tells them we’re pretty happy with the way things are now. it’s taken some getting used (and some loving support from family, old and new) but i’m proud to say i’m self-employed and i’m finally starting to love every minute of it.

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