i’ve been waiting just over a week to deliver this news – i wanted to make sure it was true, and not simply a fluke. dylan has taken a shine to her bed and now spends part of the night sleeping in it.
i should really have called titled this blog post “sleep is for suckers pt 2: the epic conclusion” (read pt 1 here) those who regularly follow this blog or know us personally will understand just how much of a triumph this is. we’ve spent the better part of the last (almost) two years bed-sharing and even though it may be a great comfort to this little person, it’s affected my sleep in a negative way. no matter how much sleep i think i’ve gotten the night before or what time i wake up, halfway through the morning my brain is failing and i can’t string together simple sentences. i regularly answer questions with a blank stare or stammer out some half credible response. i don’t have the motivation to get through housework, work work, or even do the hundreds of personal projects i have lined up. with this new development, though, i think i see a light at the end of this still long dark tunnel.
but, like rome, dylan’s proper sleeping habits won’t be built in a day, or over a week, or even a month. as i write this, she should be over there napping. i’ve been working on it for over an hour (and yes, my composure is starting to wan). we went through the drill, she crawls in and asks for “help” with her blankets, and then shoos me away – “go! go!” she was quiet for a bit, but she’s back to talking to herself. just go to sleep!
sometimes i can lay her down while she’s still awake and she falls asleep on her own. most of the time i’m still nursing her until she passes out.
she also still wakes during the night, usually around 3 am, like she’s set some kind of internal timer. she slips out of her bed and comes over to me. sometimes i let her stay with me and sometimes she goes back to her bed, it all depends on how out of it (or emotional) i am. because as much as i want her to meet these milestones on her own, it’s a sign of her growing up and i can’t help but feel sad. what a weird dichotomy this parenting thing is.
despite that, i still think we’re winning, and we didn’t have to do a week worth of traumatic (for me) crying it out. it’s been hard, very hard, but i’m much happier that she was able to make the decision on her own. i want to say i attribute it to practicing attachment style parenting, but who really knows? we can’t a-b test with this, it may just be her particular personality (equal parts feisty, adorable, hilarious and independent).
whatever, though. thank goodness for small victories. the next step is to get her to actually listen to me. how long do you think that will take?